Before Hannah was born, I wondered what it would feel like to be a mom. My previous roles were daughter, sister and wife. This was something different; my life would now be devoted, 24/7, to keeping this little person alive and helping her grow into the best big person she could be.
Then I walked into a nursery of bassinets, and the nurse led me to one and said, “Congratulations, mom!”
It wasn’t in that instant, but one day I realized that over time I had not only fallen in love with this little person, I had feelings for her that were very different than other relationships. Now, as she is three, she regularly drives me to the end of my patience and takes me to the negative end of my emotional spectrum more than anyone else. But she also makes me laugh more than anyone else, and I have this passionate, crazy attachment to her despite the daily challenges.
We spend hours and hours and hours a week together. Just the two of us. We have our routine, our friends, our jokes.
I know some things will change with the new baby. Everyone will be making adjustments. I keep reminding myself that this sibling is a gift – I can’t imagine life without my sister! It’s hard to wrap my head around, but as God puts our family together, I’m trusting He’ll give me the same crazy love for each child as I have for Hannah. But I’m wondering how I could possibly love anyone else the way I love her?
There are a lot of children’s books along the lines of “how much I love you.” Some of these are pretty cheesy, in my opinion. But someone gave us one that makes me cry every time I read it to Hannah. I want to include the last few verses here:
You’re my sweetie, my dear, my smile and giggle.
You’re my playmate for always, my hug and my wiggle.
Hanging out with you is where I like to be,
eating ice cream sundaes or watching the TV.
Under your umbrella, behind you on a bike,
by you and beside you is what I really like.
I can’t imagine life before you came along.
You are the music to my dance and my song.
I am meant for you, and you are meant for me,
the one I love forevermore. Undeniably.
– I Love You So… by Marianne Richmond
Did anyone else have an emotional rough patch going from one to two kids? Please reassure me!
First off, I have to read this book. Second, I get what you’re saying. It’s hard to imagine sharing motherhood. I notice that I hold onto the little things Ryan says and does right now because I know that it will all change once his sister gets here. However, I have been reassured by every mommy of multiples I know that as soon as the second one arrives, the same love is there we felt the first time, and the family no longer seems complete without the baby. Praying for you and excited to see pictures of your new little girl when she makes her arrival!
I remember crying my eyes out the night before my second child was born for just this reason, but Kelly is right. Your feelings are normal and natural. Also remember, bonding sometimes isn’t instant – it can take a little while, but one day very soon, you’ll have that same deep heart feeling for your new baby that you have for your first baby. Then you’ll feel just like Kelly said – you won’t be able to even imagine life without your newest family member.
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